well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
