i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
