weddingsv make me drug and hornr
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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