Cold hands, warm shart.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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