Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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