Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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