How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
