The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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