you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
