I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize