Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
