can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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