I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
