Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
