all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
