he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
