I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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