9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
