i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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