are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize