I need help removing her.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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