I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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