so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
