walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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