the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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