there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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