Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
