hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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