I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
