you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
