Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
