I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just tell him i said nine months
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
