here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
