i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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