party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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