im six kinds of drunk right now
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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