There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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