I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
