you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
