By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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