The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
