I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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