you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
