Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
