Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
