Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
there is glitter all over my balls
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
