yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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