New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
