I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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