Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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