Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
