I'm gonna have a badass scar
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
