You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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