Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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