At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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