i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize