Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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