We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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