I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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