he wants to bone in the snuggie
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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