No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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