Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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