Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
