I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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