Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
