we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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