What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
